As the last light of 2020 is fading away, I’m grateful that I am still here—that those I love are still alive and well.
Collectively we had a rough year. There’s been more than a few tears from my part. But there were laughter and happiness too. With every heartache and pain, there was something beautiful to remind me to celebrate life. To be present. For this moment is the only tangible time we have.
2021 means the end of 2020, but not necessarily the end of everything bad that touched us this year. Truth is we may have another rough year ahead. Still, we are here, present, and breathing. And so we breath. Happy New Year. Love and light to all.
That’s what writing is. You spin and you twirl. You create an illusion, a trapdoor, an escape pod. You fly out of the cannon and jump through hoops. You explore the greater truth by creating world out of nothing in the hopes of capturing that elusive thing we call imagination.
So what has the year been like living at the circus?
Learning the craft
For a trapeze artist to be able to perform a summersault and catch the swing without falling to the pit, she spent countless hours practicing. Same thing with writers. Anyone can be a writer. But a decent one? That’s a different story. To get there, one has to write. A lot.
There’s a dimple in my couch from my habit. It is where I sit (usually with my cat next to me), imagine, and type. I think of writing as an excavation of sorts. You know something is there, buried deep underneath the dirt. You just have to dig it up. Sometimes with a shovel. Sometimes with a spoon. Rarely with a digger. But you’re not going to get at it without doing it.
In my first draft, I’m an archeologist, discovering a lost world. With each rewrite, I imagine myself with a pickax and a brush, chiseling off packed dirt and debris to reveal the things beneath. The novel I finished earlier this year underwent 4 complete revisions. Each time, I learned more about the characters, their motivations, and the path they take. And behind my collection of short stories, Shadow Play: Ten Tales from the In-between, there are many more too terrible to share. I am a spoon digger.
Writing is leaping through the air and failing over and over again in an attempt to achieve one good jump. The kick in the head is that, afterward, you’re still unsure whether you’ll catch the bar the next time.
Finding the tribe
Writers are oddities. David Mamet (Pulitzer prize winner) said we’re like beavers, our teeth always itching to take down a tree. So true. Writers write because we have to. Because not doing it feels unnatural. For some, it’s a way to quiet the monsters within. For others, it’s a way to make sense of the world and to make peace with our conscience. Some even do it for money, although it takes a special kind of optimism to think one can make substantial money from writing (at least from the outset.)
Social media has been a blessing to writers. It’s a place we find likeminded people who will commiserate with us about the difficulties of the craft, who understand why we want to quit for the hundredth time but will never let us, and who will celebrate our wins and tell us when we can do better. We learn from each other.
Writers on social media, as a whole, are the most supportive people (one of my favorite groups is Indie Author Coalition.) Some of the writers I’ve met on the Internet, I would hug them to death if I ever met them in real life from adoring them so much. Honestly. You know why? Writing is not a competitive field. The learning curve is steep. And people get better with age and experience. So there’s a lot of information sharing and kumbaya-ing around the light of the computer screen within this community. I love my freaks.
And it’s so necessary because…
Dealing with the industry
The industry is so difficult to break into and it has a way of breaking your spirit. In the traditional publishing path, there are so many gatekeepers between you and the readers. Once you have a manuscript, you need a literary agent. To get an agent you have to convince a complete stranger via email to read your eighty-thousand words that they may end up hating. Once you’re lucky enough to catch the eye of an amazing agent, you then have to work together (preferably in harmony) to polish your manuscript in order to convince a publishing house to pay you, a no-name writer, a sum of money to publish it. This process can take months, if not years.
And the hard reality is your manuscript may never sell.
If or when it does, then your manuscript will go through a multitude of editors who will polish it until the publishing house feels it’s shiny enough to be released into the world.
After which you’ll face yet another hard reality that your book may never sell.
This process is not for you? Okay, there’s self-publishing. This bypasses the agent and the publishing house. Sounds good right? But you’ll have to be prepared that you are now the agent, the publicist, and the publishing house. You’re responsible for everything from editing to market research, to book cover to typesetting (even when you can pay someone to do it). You’re the one pushing the ‘publish’ button. Having done it myself for the first time, it is a finger-biting and exhilarating moment. It is all on you.
Oh and don’t forget the fun of book marketing…
Writers LOVE book marketing, never. Even ones who like marketing (hello…) It’s different when it is your art. Many view it as a step above sticking something sharp into their nose and pulling their brains out. You’re the charlatan, the snake oil seller, the pimp of your book baby. Okay, I’m exaggerating. But it is a lot of work—a balancing act between telling your potential readers that your book exists and annoying them to death with it. How do you share that your book is worth their time without sounding like an egomaniac? I’m still testing various ways, but none of which is hard selling. People hate to be sold to.
Are you a writer who dreams of having bookstores carry your book? Do you want a book signing? When you self-publish, it becomes your job to go there, meet with the powers-that-be and convince them. Do you want the library to carry it? It is also your job to go there, and…you get the picture. But it’s not impossible with a search engine, a phone, and time. I recently went to two local bookstores. One of which ended up carrying my book because they believe in supporting local authors (Thank you Verbatim Books). Local libraries also have donation program. You can donate your book and see if they’d want to carry it.
Dealing with the business side
There are costs associated with being a writer. In my self-publishing path, I’ve spent money on a laptop, ISBNs, copyrighting, marketing, book cover design, writing classes, and printed books (including shipping, which is insane btw.) This does not include the countless hours spent writing, thinking up ideas, researching, attending classes, and marketing. So far in my very young writing career, this business is bleeding, red as blood.
Does it mean you cannot make money out of writing? No. There are Facebook groups dedicated to sharing information on how to make writing into a lucrative career (like 20booksto50k.) It works for some, especially those writing in specific genres or to market, which is to say they give their readers exactly what they think they’d want.
While I am still trying to discover the type of writer I am, I know I am a spoon digger, scratching at the dirt bit by bit in order to unearth something beautiful I believe lies beneath. Knowing I would never be able to write enough books to sell in bulk, I knew I had to be smart in other ways. And that’s in how I choose to market. Amazon Marketing Service has a program in which authors can advertise their books using a set of keywords. They charge per click. The idea is to marry a good ad with a set of keywords that will result in a good average cost per sale. It’s not perfect. But it can work if you know how to wield the tool. There are so many resources new writers can use to arm themselves with knowledge. Search and learn.
Finding a home
After a year in the circus and spending time behind the curtains, do I still love writing? Oh, yes. There is a sense of wonder I still get from the process of creating worlds, from having people and images appear out of thin air, from trying to solve the puzzles of their lives. Although I feel I am still wandering from tent to tent, trying to find just the right place where I belong. It may not be the glitzy Cirque du Soleil kind with glittery costumes and perfect make-up. It may be more like “Carnivale” the Depression-era circus with patched up tents and dusty outfits. But there is a romance to it. And perhaps real magic hidden within. I’m okay with that.
I look forward to jumping into the unknown of 2019 and see where I land. Like Neo, I choose the red pill.
Not because the smartphones have created countries of socially awkward people that would choose a root canal over making eye contact, making it safe to walk the streets of where ever. Okay…maybe smartphones are a little to blame. NO: our mothers raised a generation of strong, confident and curious daughters. These superpowers have enabled us to go forth and push boundaries while making sure that we always keep one heel solidly on the ground.
San Francisco
The introvert part? Well, that’s what the Meyer Lemon Briggs survey told me: I’m a closet introvert.
The thought of traveling alone may seem daunting: It’s easy to feel lonely in a crowd. But the rewards of hanging solo are well worth the effort. Think of it as yoga for the mind: stretch it in ways it has never been.
To help you with your “stretching”, below are some things to keep in mind when you travel alone:
Overlooking New York City
Common Sense
The super-secret tool that not everyone on this planet has (sadly). Be aware of where you are and the people around you. It also means don’t travel to a place that is the news a lot – that usually means it’s not a safe place. Exercising your common sense doesn’t mean you leave adventure at the door or let paranoia take over; it just means that you need to exercise the proper amount of caution and people savvy to stay safe. Common sense also will prevent you from wearing hot pants when visiting a 1,000-year-old church on a Sunday.
Boys and rats with wings, I mean pigeons
Friend du jour
I’ve often shared a table with a stranger or sat at the bar of a restaurant when dropping in for a meal. It’s not for everyone, but if you come across a gem of soul that is willing to share a table, you’ll learn about new places to check out, places to avoid, places to eat, places to shop. Locals love to share highlights of their city and only need an opportunity to get them going. I like to think of myself as Padawan learning about the Force of the City (Yes, I’ve seen the movies). Buy your new friend a drink as a thank you.
San Francisco Streetcar
My time is my time
Traveling alone means you set the agenda and the pace. Taking some time to slowly wander allows you to take in the sights, the smells and the vibe of the place. Go where you want to go, when you want. I’ve often made lists of things I want to see, do, eat and carry with me as a reference. I’ll do whatever is on the list if the mood allows. Once in San Francisco, one day consisted of a huge breakfast, joining the 80-year-olds in their daily tai chi exercises before collapsing at Washington Park to just sit and read for an hour, moseying around in North Beach checking out the pastries, meatballs and drinking tons of coffee, then jumping on the double-decker red touring bus to listen to the history and highlights of the city. I ended the day at a steakhouse with lots of amusée from the chef who thought it was brave of little ol’ me to eat alone in such a fine establishment.
Bamboo forest path, Arashiyama, Kyoto
Be brave
This is your time to be who you want to be. Don’t be afraid to let yourself go….as long as it’s legal. Do something you’ve always wanted to; leave inhibitions at the door. Feel free to do it in small steps: wear something you would NEVER wear at home, do your make-up differently, let the waiter decide what you should eat. You’ll find that you’ll carry your braveness when back to the normal routine of your life.
Not so lonely benches in John Muir Woods
Have a journal ready
Your mind will amaze you when you give yourself to you. Not everyone is a writer, but everyone can jot down thoughts, observations, things to remember, things to do next time. The journal also comes in handy when you want to take notes of things to do, places to go when you talk to locals. Don’t worry about style: this is the book that is meant for you and you alone. I often begin writing on the back page first, then insert pictures in the front section so I have mini-album to remember my trip by. The journal also includes my list of things I want to do & see so that I have a record, in case I want to re-visit and have a do-over.
Summertime at the Golden Gate Bridge (seriously)
Have fun
Do what you want. Having fun may mean breaking up your daily routines. My first day is: eat a big breakfast early in the morning, then eat lunch at 3p, then dinner at 8p, then roll my bloated butt to relax in a bubble bath with a tablet for a movie or a book until I get pruney. This is not my normal routine…I just want it to be. Don’t worry about how you are perceived. If you get weird looks, take the high road and know that they are jealous that they don’t have the kind of courage you do and move on. Don’t be like me: I took the low road and gave some people the stink eye…it didn’t end well as I ended up giving those people way too much space in my head than they deserved. (Side note: I did learn how to give very good stink eye, but still…)
A path in Austin, TX
Do a practice run
If you feel that traveling to a new place alone is too daunting, book a weekend alone in a hotel. Book a place you’ve always wanted to stay at or near so that you can take advantage of local sights and eats. You’ll be near home, but not at home. Need to pass time? Book a massage in the hotel. Afraid to eat alone in public? Order room service. Want to be completely lazy? Go ahead – you’re alone and no one is around to judge.
A little creek in the forest
The joys of traveling alone far outweigh the fears. I’ve seen sunrises in a desert, a frozen waterfall, hiked to see a secluded waterfall, heard people tell their stories, had docents of museums and churches take me under their wing to share history, ate fabulous meals, watched the grunion run, got my massage upgraded, found new ways to relax and more. Each time I travel alone, I come back counting the days until I can leave to find a new happy place.
Being a mom of three elementary school-aged children teaches me one thing: nature is stronger than nurture. You cannot change the nature of your children, but you can nurture and cultivate the best version of who they are.
From the moment a child is born, they form ideas about how they relate to others and their environment by testing boundaries, challenging rules, and studying the reactions they get. As parents or guardians, we need to channel their desire to understand toward the biggest arena – the world.
Being globally minded opens more doors and breaks down barriers, allowing our children to imagine life beyond borders. So, what life skills can we prepare our children with to think globally?
1. Foreign Languages
Knowing other languages allows children to communicate with people from different countries and connect with their cultures. Even simple ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in different languages will inspire smiles in native speakers.
2. Art
Art education teaches cultural awareness. A walk through a museum can show our children the important role artists play as social commentators and historical recorders. Seeing art from other cultures also teaches them that beauty comes in many colors and shapes. Museums usually offer a free day that you can bring your kids to explore works of art at no cost.
3. Music
We all know that music affects mood, but studies have also shown it to affect perspectives. Pro-social music (ex. ‘Help’ by the Beatles, and ‘R.E.S.P.E.C.T.’ by Aretha Franklin) can even lead people to be more considerate and empathetic. Music is also an international language that serves as a common bond. Learning piano from a high school student is an affordable option.
3. Empathy and compassion
Children learn empathy and compassion by being involved in activities that require them to do things for others and imagine themselves in their shoes. It exposes them to different ideas and perspectives. We can teach them these skills by talking about the challenges people face and what they can do to help. It can be donating toys to children in need, helping a friend in trouble, collecting toiletries for a half-way house, or walking a sick neighbor’s dog.
4. Social and team building skills
If you’ve ever heard ‘So and so doesn’t want to play with me,” you know how important fitting in is to your child. They can learn these skills by joining an organized sport or a group activity that teaches them to work with others toward a common goal. It can also help kids deal with conflicts in a productive way.
5. Flexibility and Adaptability
Being flexible and adaptable allows us to be open to change and the different ways people do things. We can teach our children by showing them that being out of their comfort zone is not a bad thing and even fun! It’s as easy as trying recipes from a different culture or as involved as traveling abroad. Here are recipes on how to make Thai chicken green curry and Vietnamese Chả Cá La Vong or turmeric fish with dills (pictured above).
What other ideas have you used to prepare your child to become globally minded?
2018 is upon us. We’re older. Hopefully wiser. Definitely closer to our retirement age. So now is as good a time as ever to reevaluate our investment portfolio.
Don’t want to think about it? Most people don’t like to. My girlfriends and I can talk about most things but investment. “My husband does it.” “I use an advisor.” “I just put it in a savings account.” Maybe it’s because the terminologies are so confusing and the topic seemingly incomprehensible. But I’m hoping to change that. Our investment portfolio has a significant effect on our quality of life after we can no longer work (or want to work). Shouldn’t it warrant a more hands-on approach or at least a better understanding?
Photo credit: Mohamed Hassan @ Pixabay
Why is it important?
To know why it is important women take reins of our investment, consider a few statistics:
Of the 62 million wage and salaried women (age 21-64) working in the United States, only 45% participate in a retirement plan.
Social Security is based on earnings made in one’s lifetime. Women not only earn less than men (76% of what men earn, on average), but we also leave the workforce for an average of 12 years to care for family, making our overall earnings less.
So how do we close the gap? Make our money grow.
Photo credit: Nattanan23 @ Pixabay
How?
To begin wrapping our heads around the mechanics of investing, let’s compare it to something we are familiar with: Relationships. Why not? We all have relationships. Some of us are great at it. And what is the stock market but a web of relationships between companies, people, and governments. Sometimes it is emotional and manic-depressive. Other times it is optimistic and exuberant. So why not apply some of the skills we have gained in relationships to our investments?
Photo credit: Mohamed Hassan @ Pixabay
Get into a relationship with your investment account
Like any relationship, it begins with a hello.
There are several brokerage accounts out there. Choose one that works for you. Click here for a list of the best ones . Each has its own fees and minimum investment required to start.
I use Fidelity mainly because that’s where my 401k was held. But I stay because of their $4.95 trading fee, easy to use website, an abundance of funds and stocks to choose from, and lots of statistical information for my geeky research.
The process is simpler than you think:
Choose a type of account
Open an account (online, over the phone, or in person by walking into a branch)
Fund it
Choose investment options
A few types of accounts that you can open
Roll-over IRA – this allows you to move your retirement savings from your retirement plan at work (401(k) or profit-sharing plan to your Individual Retirement Account (IRA) tax-deferred.
Traditional IRA – a tax-deferred retirement savings account. You pay taxes on your money only when you make withdrawals in retirement.
Roth IRA – this is where you invest the money you already paid tax on. The best thing is because you already paid your tax before you contribute, your gains will be tax-free when you withdraw. The more you can build this, the less tax you’d have to pay when it comes time to retire.
Individual/Joint brokerage account – this is not a retirement account nor is subjected to its rules. But any gains is taxable.
To open an account
All you need is an identifying information (social security number, driver’s license, passport, etc.) and contact information.
To fund an account
You just need an account number and routing number if you are moving money from a bank, check or cash if in person, or your brokerage account number and account type if moving assets. Then start picking.
Photo credit: Nattanan23 @ Pixabay
Investment Strategies
Women are nurturers. We grow relationships. We see it through. So, it’s no surprise that on average more women than men like to ‘buy-and-hold’. This is not a bad thing. It just means we need to do more due diligence so we feel confident about the quality of what we’re getting.
Think of investment choices as the different people you have relationships with: some long-term, some a short-term affair. While in real life you should not be dating someone else while married, you can do this guilt-free in your investment portfolio. I follow investment philosophies of two different men. And they seem to be opposites. On one end is Warren Buffett and on the other is Mark Cuban. Two billionaires. Two different styles. But they coexist peacefully and play harmonious roles in building my retirement income.
Both Buffett and Cuban agree on one thing: invest in what you know. And if you don’t know, learn. How do we learn? We stalk, we watch, we google. If you’ve googled an ex, you already know the drill.
Photo credit: Mohamed Hassan @ Pixabay
Strategy 1: The marrying kind
Warren Buffet just won the $1 million bet he made in 2007 against Protégé Partners that hedge funds wouldn’t outperform an S&P index fund over a 10-year period. His philosophy is simple: invest 10% cash in short-term government bonds and 90% in a low-cost S&P 500 index fund.
U.S. government bond is a debt security issued by the government to support its spending. It’s essentially risk-free. It’s a rich guy borrowing your money. You know he’s good for it. You know where he lives.
S&P 500 index fund is an index of 505 stocks issued by 500 large companies. This guy is well established. Old money. Steady. He may not be into grand gestures, but he’s going to be home for dinner.
Even with these Steady Eddies, you still want to make sure you look closely at their pedigree. You’re going to be married to them long-term. Make sure these guys aren’t going to cost you a lot of money or have a hidden gambling habit. Google the best low-cost S&P 500 index fund and government bonds, and you’ll get endless links to advice blogs. Look for the same stock ticker symbols that come up over and over in various blogs and research them.
To spot quality, look for:
The companies they’re investing in and sectors – who do they hang out with
Expense ratio – what are they costing you
Ratings – their reputation
Dividend rate – the little quarterly or yearly gifts
Photo credit: Mohamed Hassan @ Pixabay
Strategy 2: The hottie you hook up with in a bar
Mark Cuban, on the other hand, believes that you should be a little bit of a risk taker and buy-and-hold is a sucker’s game. He thinks you must take emotions out of the game or you’re going to end up buying at the same time as everyone (translate: highest price) and selling at the same time as everyone (translate: lowest price).
What makes a stock rise and fall? Supply and demand. If more people want to buy a stock (demand) than sell it (supply), then the price increases. If more people wanted to sell a stock than buy it, there would be greater supply than demand, and the price would decrease. It’s all human-driven. Greed buying and panic selling will not do you any good.
So, what do you look for?
Solid companies.
Look at the everyday things that surround you. Look at where you shop, what you buy, why you buy them, and think of whether you would buy them again. Ask yourself if you believe in the companies that produce the product or provide the service. If you do, put them on a watch list (stalk and watch). The idea here to buy at the best price you can. Read up on them. Everyone is on the Internet. Look for a pattern – 1 year, 5 years, 10 years. If it’s a retailer, seasonality could cause a surge and fall within a year.
Even big companies can fall out of favor sometimes. Think of when Brad Pitt grew a beard. Less handsome. But underneath it’s still Brad Pitt. An example: Costco. I shop there. I like their business philosophy. When I looked at them last year, I saw that they were experiencing a dip. I couldn’t really see a valid reason. They were beating quarterly goals. They have money. I didn’t consider them a big risk. So, I bought some. Since then they have gained 25%.
Photo credit: Mohamed Hassan @ Pixabay
Emerging companies.
Before you discount these guys, Amazon was once a small company. So was Apple. Emerging companies are like the 20-something you meet in a bar in Silicon Valley. He’s handsome. He’s sexy. And boy, he’s charming. Especially when you’re drunk.
He talks about watching sunrise from a temple in Bagan. He’s not worried about how he’s going to finance it. It will come. He believes that if he thinks positively, things will happen. It’s fate.
Breath. Take one step back from his dream and look at your own vision of the future. Are you interested in this guy? What do you believe in? Energy, artificial intelligence, virtual reality, medication, self-driving cars? Look for new trends within those sectors and pick a few companies to keep your eye on. This is where you must do your due diligence and research. What is this company doing? Do other companies like their technology? Do they have other income streams? Are they buying other companies? Are they being bought?
You’re buying potentials here. There will be losers and there will be winners. Over time and with experience, you will be able to spot the losers and winners easier. Like dating. The trick is to only pick a few. You’re going to be nurturing this relationship. You’re going to learn what you can about it. With luck, fate, and understanding, you may just win yourself a Steve Jobs.
To spot quality, look for:
Earnings vs. Estimates – have they been beating their estimates in their quarterly reports? Does the guy talk the talk and walk the walk or is he just full of air?
P/E ratio – market value per share divided by earnings per share. This is how much people think the company is worth. If P/E is 20, it means investors are willing to pay $20 for every $1 the company earned. If 100, then people are willing to pay $100 for each $1 he earned. As with all things, some are ‘over-rated’ and some ‘under-rated’. There are stocks like Amazon that has P/E of 300 (expensive compared to earning). But high does not always mean bad if the company is reinvesting in its growth and has a lot to offer.
Stock price history – this will give you a gauge on whether you’re buying a stock at its height. All stocks will go through a cycle of dip and climb. There are undervalued stocks out there.
Photo credit: Mohamed Hassan @ Pixabay
Strategy 3: The man your age
He knows all the bands you listened to in High School. He’s on the same timetable. He tells you he wants the same things in life. He’s low maintenance. He seems to be everything you want in a partner. But dang, he’s expensive to keep. He’s a target-date fund.
Target-date funds are based on your age. You pick a fund with a target year that is closest to the year you anticipate retiring (ex. 2050). Then the fund does the rest.
The good: It holds the promise of accurate allocation of your portfolio as you age. More aggressive when you’re young. Less aggressive as you get closer to retirement.
The bad: 1) Not everyone retiring in a given year has the same risk tolerance, cash flow needs, and time horizon, 2) Cost is generally high when compared to index funds.
There is also a false sense of security. You are in the back seat. You’ll have no idea why a fund is high or low. Or what the managers are doing to change anything. This is the strategy for those who like to ‘set it and forget it’. But beware – like any stocks, there is risk involved.
Google ‘best target-date funds’ and you will be given a myriad of options. Do the same due diligence here. Understand fees, allocation, and quality related to the fund.
There you go. Investment talk. Not so bad was it? So, let’s do more of it.
We make a lot of plans, set a lot of goals, especially this time of year. How do you stay resilient when things change, as they all too often do?
At TWC we had a saying, “Things Will Change.” And so, as is common in business, they often did. I could be near completion of a campaign, ready to approve creative for print or distribution and get a call to stop everything, “We’re going to add an affiliate offer to all possible creative — effective immediately.” Or maybe you were on your way to a pivotal meeting that you had been planning for weeks or months, but your flight has just been canceled.
Has anything like this ever happened to you? Did it throw you off?
You may not be able to foresee every possible change and have a contingency plan in place for all scenarios, but you can set yourself up for resilience so that you can return to your goals quickly through an established routine for self-leadership.
1) Have goals and review them daily.
Goals do not prevent things from changing, but they do provide focus. I block time for myself to review my goals yearly, quarterly, weekly and daily.
Yearly Review:
It takes a full 8 hours to plan for my yearly goals. I think of it as a holiday, a time to think about what I want to happen next. I look back at the year before, congratulate myself on my achievements and think about any aspects of my life that I want to give more attention to for the coming year: health, relationships, work, recreation, financial, spiritual, intellectual. I write down all of the ideas that come to mind for ways I could improve or things I want to accomplish this year. Then I prioritize and choose just 7 or 8 to really focus on.
You may be familiar with SMART goals:
Specific: What exactly do you want to achieve?
Measurable: How will you know you have achieved it?
Actionable: Start with an action verb — something other than “be”.
Risky: If it isn’t risky, it isn’t exciting and if it isn’t exciting it isn’t a goal, it’s just a task.
Time-keyed: Give it a deadline.
Try not to put all of your deadlines in the same quarter. Choose 2 or 3 of your yearly goals to highlight per quarter; I’ve found that more than that is just overwhelming. Write them down somewhere where you can easily review them every day. But don’t share your goals. Research has shown that when you share your goals, your brain tricks you into feeling like you have already achieved them, and you may be more likely to lose interest.
Quarterly Review:
Sometimes goals need to be revised, replaced, or even simply removed due to changes in your life or perspective. Sometimes reaching for a goal is a learning experience. For example, two years ago I had a goal to sell at least 3 sculptures every month. It seemed achievable at the time. But try as I might, it wasn’t happening. I had constant social media going on with a decent following, a solo gallery show, I participated in an art fair, won a prestigious award from AWA, ran an ad in a national art magazine, contacted previous buyers . . . I sold 2 small pieces during the entire year and I was growing more and more unhappy and stressed. During a quarterly review, I came to a change in perspective. Art is not going to make money for me. It’s going to remain a source of joy instead — as a hobby. Therefore, my goals had to change for the following quarter.
Weekly Review:
I do this on Sunday night or Monday morning before I open any email. Congratulate yourself for tasks you’ve completed that led you closer to your goals. Write down things you learned. What went well? What didn’t? Write down three larger tasks you want to focus on in the coming week. Choose the best days and block time on your calendar.
Daily Review:
Review your goals every day to see what tiny steps you can add to your daily schedule for tomorrow. Make 3 tasks the most important, but list your daily tasks as you normally would. I like a piece of paper or notebook page with boxes I can check off as I complete them. Block time in your schedule to complete your tasks. I normally do this at the end of each day, because it settles me and lets me rest easy knowing I have a plan for tomorrow.
2.) Accept that life will get in the way.
Your plans are never set in stone. When your child’s school calls to tell you that she has a fever and you have to leave work to pick her up, that’s ok. When the director calls to tell you there was a change in the offers for the campaign you just approved, that’s ok. When your flight gets canceled, that’s ok.
Regroup.
Take a look at your schedule to see what is urgent and what can wait. Contact the key stakeholders or vendors for urgent tasks. Delegate where possible, postpone whatever can wait. Go back to your goals to review them the next day, or the next week, if you are pulled away for a while. Reschedule and restart. No drama necessary.
3.) Practice daily gratitude.
I’ve mentioned this before. I’m mentioning it again because it will help you fend off the worst enemies of your goals, cynicism, and negativity. Spend 5-10 minutes every day thinking about things you are grateful for, however small. Write down at least 3.
For example:
Coffee was hot and delicious today.
I had a great conversation with my financial advisor and learned a lot.
My husband made my favorite tortilla soup for dinner.
At the end of the day, I always find more than enough reasons to be grateful, no matter what setbacks have occurred. I can sleep better knowing that I have a good life, have accomplished everything I could today and will have more to be grateful for tomorrow, no matter what happens.
What would you like to achieve? What habit would you like to instill in your life?
I love to travel. Next to reading, it is one of the best ways to build empathy, resiliency, social intelligence, and knowledge. And I knew that once I had children, I wanted them to love to travel. But let’s be honest: while traveling with young kids can be fun, it can also be challenging. From international exploration to long road trips, here are 8 tips that help our family not only make the most of our adventures together but become better citizens of the world.
With a Sphinx at the Metropolitan Museum of Art
1. Think like they do
Children are not adults. They should not be expected to act like us. While they are innately resilient and open, they also have needs that are different. Even though we probably would never do a Disney resort trip, we’ve learned to build things into our travels that cater to our children. Think ice cream stops, places they can have hands-on experiences, bathroom breaks, and outdoor activities to get the sillies out. When we were in Cooperstown, we went on hikes in the woods. In New York City, we explored the different areas by foot and stopped at the playgrounds on our way to various destinations. Our kids love cats. So in the Metropolitan Museum of Art, we made sure to stop in the Egyptian wing to visit the Sphinx.
With the school children in Thailand
2. Teach them to think like others
Just being born in a relatively safe and prosperous country like America, our children are privileged. We remind them that they are lucky and that there are others in the world who are not as lucky. There are children in Israel and Palestine who have never known what it is to live in peace. There are kids in Cambodia and Mexico who grew up having to work as if they are adults. Not only is it important for us to make sure our children are aware of others’ plight, we also want them to know they can do something to help. For our last Thailand trip, our children collected toys from their friends and family to donate to a school in a Bangkok slum. They visited the school and met the children. It was heartwarming for me to watch my children help set the table for snack-time and show the other kids the toys they had brought to share.
Riding on a boat in Thailand
3. Set expectations
Children know what they know. And it is up to those responsible for them to share our knowledge. We talk to our children about the differences and similarities between the destination they’re traveling to and their hometown. What is the place like? What are the people like? What language do they speak? What will the weather be like? What food do they eat? What are some rules to be aware of? What are the words for ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. For Thailand, we warned our children that they won’t be getting waffles and bagels for breakfast and that they would have to eat whatever is available. While they may not like the idea, knowing this in advance prepared them to not be disappointed nor surprised.
At the 9/11 Memorial
4. Be transparent
Have honest conversations. Our children’s safety has always been the most important thing for us. We make sure they understand the rules to stay safe. What are some dangers in the places they’re going to (ex. animals and plants to be aware of)? How is traveling in the city different from being in the country? When we went to Manhattan, I let my children know that there would be mobs of people in many places we go. I told them the importance of staying close to us. We talked about riding the subway and what they need to do if they are separated from us. They had to memorize the name and location of the hotel we were staying at. We answered their questions as honestly as we can without scaring the crap out of them. When my children asked about security at the airport, we told them about 9/11 and how the country changed rules to provide more safety. At the 9/11 memorial, they asked the reasons the terrorists killed innocent people. We told them while we can never truly understand and plan for atrocities, what we can do is to not let them stop us from being happy.
At Chapman Lake in NE Pennsylvania
5. Allow them to make (some) choices
While being children means their needs are taken care of by adults, it also means they don’t often have much control over decisions. When we travel, we try to make them feel like they are a part of the decision-making process, however small it may be. I let my children look at hotel options and talk through the good and bad of staying there. We look at the photos and read reviews together to decide whether it fits our family’s needs. Each family member takes a turn choosing the food we want to eat and we search for restaurants together on Yelp. There were times in New York City our kids just wanted pretzels. Even though many wonderful foods were around, we let them eat what they wanted. By giving them a say in our travel plan, they know their ideas matter.
With dinosaur bones at the Natural History Museum
6. Be thoughtful with providing educational experiences
I like to think of traveling as a mini classroom with personal attention. We insert tidbits of history and knowledge into whatever we see. When we visited the Sequoia national park, we talked about President Theodore Roosevelt and his legacy in creating the national park service. We talked about how long Sequoia trees live and the importance of trees in our environment. When we went to a little village in Thailand that lost its land due to global warming and erosion, we planted mangroves and talked about its role in slowing down land loss. Educational experiences are everywhere. And when we didn’t know the answer (which were often), we just googled it.
A view from above Taipei
7. Encourage them to try new things
It’s easy to stay in our comfort zone. One of the reasons I love traveling is that it pushes me outside my comfort zone. And as a result, I would usually gain something meaningful out of it. We encourage our children to try something new on each trip. From food to activities, we want to instill in them a sense of adventure. And we jump in with them. One of our family mottos is “Try it. You might like it.” On our drive to San Francisco, we saw a sign for ‘garlic ice cream’. We found the stall, stopped, and bought one to share. While not everyone liked it, some of us did. How else would we learn?
On a floating hotel in Thailand
8. Know when and where to bend and to stand firm
When we travel, the first thing to fly out the window is bedtime. The second thing to go is the no-sweet-after-dark rule. Every family is different in their values. What’s important is that you know the negotiables and the non-negotiables. With us, when it comes to safety, that’s non-negotiable. Time-outs will be enforced swiftly when our children do something to endanger themselves or others.
Walking the streets of Cooperstown
I know the above is not a traditional list of what to do and what not to do when traveling with children. They are more philosophical ideas that I hope would set the stage for what you can do to raise children who will not only become happy travelers but responsible and empathetic citizens of the world. As parents and guardians, no one knows our children better than we do. And it is up to us to curate experiences that will help our children be the best of who they are.
Having the ability to travel is awesome! Hoping these tips help you keep memories of the trip sweet and not overshadowed by the weird and wonky things that could easily go wrong.
Packing Your Suitcase
Packing cubes: These are the best!!! An easy way to keep your suitcase organized and maintain room for the inevitable souvenirs. You can find these at Target, Ikea, etc.
Clothes: pack for layers. Regardless of the weather, you want to have some freedom…and ability to re-use during the trip. I pack for a mix-and-match: how can I re-purpose 5 pieces (2 top, 2 pants, 1 pair of shoes): how many outfits will this make?
Pants & Blouses: pack these at the bottom. You will have fewer wrinkles as the weight of your contents will act as a slow burn iron. I pack my blouses with sleeves folded back only so I don’t have a fold at my waist; these are placed on top of my pants in the suitcase. Everything else gets packed on top of these.
Your “Unmentionables”: Use a packing cube, a super-large Ziploc. You never know if you will be randomly selected for TSA inspection…you also don’t know if the TSA agent wears gloves. I don’t know about you, but the thought of a stranger bare-handedly touching my intimates makes me gag. And pack more than what you think you need. Trust me.
Liquids: if you lean towards control-freak on the spectrum and pack your shampoo & conditioner – squeeze the bottle until content hits the opening, then shut. You have now created your own vacuum pack of liquids that will (most likely) not explode while in an airplane. Toss into a plastic bag just in case you didn’t squeeze enough. No one wants to start their vacation with soggy panties.
Luggage tags: Luggage tags serve 2 purposes – in case there is a screw-up, the airline will know the home address of your suitcase and it will make it easier to spot at baggage claim. Find a luggage tag that is YOU. A good assortment can be found at Amazon.com.
Luggage locks: Make sure that they are TSA approved. Having extra precautions is never a bad thing. I also use the lock to keep valuables safe in the hotel room instead of using the hotel’s room safe.
Valuables: Never ever pack them in your suitcase. Take them onto your carry-on. TSA may be great at checking for contraband, but there are too many stories about their sticky fingers to make me completely comfortable.
Poopouri: Trust me. You want this. Our bodies are capable of great and wonderful things. Our bodies are also capable of producing nuclear explosions. Poopouri will minimize the fallout. You can even make your own using your favorite scent. Here’s a recipe.
Before You Go…last minute checklist
Passport & Itinerary: Leave a copy with a trusted one at home. Also take a picture, if you are taking your phone. Just in case…..
Weather: check the day before you leave just in case you need to make last-minute changes to accommodate weather change. I forgot to check once and paid the price. Packed for winter, did not see the change to warmer weather and spent the entire 2 weeks trying not to sweat.
Back-up: extra batteries & SD cards for cameras. Pack ‘em. (these can go into the suitcase)
Entertainment: are your music files & Kindle updated? Did you download movies for the kids? Enough earbuds/headphones to go around?
Money: if traveling abroad, it’s always helpful to have currency available for taxi, tips, water, food, etc. Most banks will exchange at the current exchange rate for free with a required minimum. It usually takes 2-5 business days.
Credit cards/ATM: don’t forget to call your credit card company for notification of travel. Some banks also have an online feature. ATM cards: same rule. Avoid the unwanted hassle of unlocking your card because you forgot to set notifications.
Snacks: pack ‘em. Or buy at the airport. I was on a 14-hour flight once and airline food was disgusting…think look & smell of wet cardboard. The snacks saved my life – and the sanity of my sister.
Panties: Leave 4-5 of your good ones at home. Don’t pack them all. You don’t know when you’ll be able to do laundry and you don’t want to find yourself in Panty Purgatory. I have been stuck wearing my “fun” ones to work because I did not plan well….I was uncomfortable and self-conscious all day.
Pants & Shirts: Leave a couple of the good ones behind. See reason as above.
1 Pair: panty & socks in your carry-on. Just in case…. Plus, if you wear flats/sandals on the plane and need to take them off for security checkpoints, you don’t have to walk in steps of a sweaty-footed person. I will take off shoes, put on socks & walk through security. If you have really old, but clean & trusty socks, take those – you can toss after walking through security.
Toilet seat covers: nothing is worse than crouching over the toilet in the plane during turbulence. They can be found at most local drug stores; if you’re cheap, “borrow” a couple from the airport’s bathroom.
Please & Thank you: you may not speak the language and have mastered the art of pantomime & pointing. BUT “Please” and “Thank you” are the easiest words to learn. They are also the words you will (hopefully) use the most.
2 Things to ease your transition home
Bed linen: change them before you go. Nothing beats slipping into crisp clean sheets when you are home from vacation.
Meals: prep and freeze a meal or 2 (casseroles are the best). This way you are guaranteed food upon your return. I usually plop my suitcase down, head straight to the freezer and pop in microwave/oven, then greet my kitty and move suitcase to the bedroom. I have turned the air blue a few times when hauling my butt into the car for a trip to McDonald’s after realizing there is NOTHING to eat at home.
