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5 traits in an ideal traveling partner

One of the perks of being married is always having someone to travel with. Or so I thought. There are reasons like kids’ school, work schedule, or just a simple ‘I don’t want to go there’ that result in us not having our favorite person to travel with. And while there is a trend over the past few years in traveling solo, sometimes we just don’t feel like it.

No fret.  Enters a traveling partner.

But like dating or marriage, we cannot simply choose anyone with a passport. Traveling has ruined relationships. But it can also strengthen them. The trick is to find who your ideal traveling partner is. So what should we look for?

Here are what I have identified as the top 5 traits in an ideal traveling partner. Keep in mind that opposites may attract and compromises can be negotiated. But we are here to talk about the perfect partnership after all.

1. Someone with a similar level of tolerance. 

It’s all relative. The level of tolerance varies by person. Some people can handle a high level of grossness (those who love to camp al fresco and think nothing of having to do their business in a hole dug by a stick.) Some think they can handle certain gross things under dire circumstances (those who would prefer a clean bathroom in a hotel but would not complain if their only option is a squat toilet in an emergency.) And then there are some who cannot fathom the idea of putting their bottoms on anything else but the cleanest toilet. This also applies to how tolerant the person is with street food or trekking in the jungle. Identify your level of tolerance and that of the other person.

2. Someone who is honest but not mean.

The ideal traveling partner is comfortable at communicating their mind to you. They don’t have to be an open book or an extrovert – just someone who has a comfort level with you that allows them to be themselves. However, while honestly is important, so is the ability to be strategic in presenting information. We don’t need a diplomat here, just someone who thinks before they speak and understands that there can be repercussion to hurtful words.

3. Someone with similar economic background or spending habit.

Just like in a marriage, conflict in any relationship can stem from money. Too little. Too much. Never enough. An ideal traveling partner will have the same spending habit or expectation as you. It will not be any fun if you want to splurge on spa treatments or expensive meals if the other sees them as a waste of money. On the other hand, you don’t want to be the anchor around your partner’s neck if they want the Ritz and all you budgeted for is a bed and a bathroom at a hostel. Economics will determine whether you will take overnight bus and train vs. fly in planes or charter private cars which would affect the comfort level of the trip.

4. Someone who is interesting to you.

We’re not looking for a Nobel prize winner – just a person you find fascinating in some way. Be it burping the alphabet or knowing every single thing about the renaissance movement in Italy, they have the ability to hold your attention and inspire you.

5. Someone with a sense of humor. 

There will be moments when things don’t go smoothly. There will be times when you are so angry you can fry an egg on your face. Bad things happen. You need someone who can still laugh (after you finish cursing) in those bad moments.

So there you have it: 5 traits in a perfect traveling partner. Remember, once you think you have found that person, be frank at sharing your own quirks and limitation. You may think you can change yourself to fit someone’s ideal, but it would only blow up in your face. And you don’t want that to happen on the street of Rome when you’re both exhausted after an overnight train from Venice. Believe me.

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Myanmar: Inle Lake, a poem

Long-tail boats with jewel colors
Glide through the channel like lovers
Stirring silts up the shallow water with reflection of sky

Houses on stilts lean into the river
Like women into a mirror
Readying for the temple festival at tide high

Fishermen dance on their basket lures
Fish hide under floating islands of tomatoes
The channel opens up into the wide embrace of lake Inle

Above, the clouds gather
Lightning stirs a flock of white waterfowls
A storm is coming, transforming the blue sky gray
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Myanmar: Shan State, Pindaya Cave

Another sleepless night on the bus and Laurie and I rethought our decision on night buses. It was driven by a man and his sidekick who yelled out directions as he drove up the winding and bumpy road between Bagan and Shan State. It was like being put inside a shaker with someone yelling what sounds very similar to ‘s$&!’ over and over again. An effective interrogation method had we had something to confess.

I had mentioned in a previous post that one of the concepts British colonialism had left behind was the right-steering car. Up until 1970, the entire country drove on the left side of the road. Then one day, for an unreported reason, the government decided everyone should drive on the right side. The problem was and still is that most cars and buses are right-hand-drive. Thus, our driver was driving on the right side of the road with a right-steering bus and was practically blind to everything happening on the left side. Ergo, the sidekick yelling direction through the night. But we survived.

After arriving at the hotel in Inle Lake, the breakfast of Shan noodles and eggs put us back in a good mood. After a couple of hours of rest, our guide from LM Travel Myanmar, Joshua, picked us up in a van and we drove another 2 hours to Pindaya Cave past plantations of wheat, corn, and cigar leaves. This area in Shan State has red soil fertile with minerals and is great for growing crops. 

Farming is the way of life here as is evident by the lines of white cows marching alongside the road. We passed a market that traded and sold these cows. Joshua told us the market opens once every five days to allow farmers who live far away to travel there. There were cows of all sizes, but even the biggest here is a lot skinnier than their American counterpart. And cheaper. A prized cow is about $1,000 U.S.

 

Along the way, we stopped at an old monastery with an infestation of sweet cats. The monastery is over 170 years old. It was teak and looks very much like a traditional Thai home. It has peak roofs and inward leaning walls. Shan State borders Thailand to the east separated by a mountain range, and there are many similarities between Myanmar and its neighbor who shared a long history of warfare.

As we climbed higher and higher, the flat green fields transformed to hills and mountains. The people here also look different from those we met in the south with lighter skin and smaller eyes. There are more than 135 ethnic groups in Myanmar, with 7 being the largest minority nationalities: the Chin, the Kachin, the Karenni (sometimes called Kayah), the Karen (sometimes called Kayin), the Mon, the Rakhine, and the Shan. Each group has their own language, culture, and history, making up Myanmar’s rich tapestry.

After another quick stop at a train track overlooking beautiful vista, we finally arrived at our destination. Pindaya Cave is a stalactite cave estimated to be 2 million years old. It sits on a limestone hill overlooking Botoloke Lake.

In the 18th century, while a war was raging between tribes, the different groups hid images of Buddha here to protect them from possible damage. There are now over 10k images climbing up the sides of the cave. The oldest is from the 17th century. Like other sacred sites, Burmese visitors filled this place. At the entrance of the cave sat a man praying in front of a golden Buddha image. He was chanting in Pali from scripture. His voice echoed throughout the cave.

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Myanmar: Mount Popa

The drive to Mount Popa from Bagan took over 2 hours due to the bumpy, potholed roads. It threatened the loss of an amazing lunch we had eaten at Secret House beforehand. Fried duck, fish in curry sauce, green beans with peppers, stir-fried vegetables, and coconut rice. It was the best meal we had in Myanmar. The duck was melt-in-your-mouth good and the coconut rice was creamy tasting and delicious.

The first glimpse of Mount Popa, an extinct volcano, was pretty spectacular. The entire area is carpeted by a lush green forest that extends for as far as the eye can see. The volcanic ash, together with the springs and streams in the area, provide the perfect fertile ground for growing fruits, trees, and plants. We spotted many nurseries along the side of the road selling dragonfruit and flowering plants. To the southwest, the volcanic plug of Taung Kalat (pedestal hill) juts up from its surroundings. The people believe that the shrine at its top is home to powerful Nats or animist spirits, making it a popular pilgrimage site for Burmese.

The climb up the 777 steps to the top of Mount Popa was treacherous in an unexpected way. The first half of the climb was under a roof flanked by stores selling flowers and touristy trinkets. The second half was out in the elements where the tile steps were slippery from the rain. Because it is a part of the temple, we also had to walk it barefoot.

 

Along the way gangs of macaque monkeys jumped from tree to tree and fought each other like the Jets and the Sharks, complete with bellowing and screeching sound effects. They are not shy with people and will approach in search for food. Women carrying flowers are their favorite targets. Our guide, Tut, told us that late afternoon is the most dangerous time for humans to navigate up and down the stairs. It is when the monkeys rule the mountain. Keep everything you don’t want taken away by the monkeys out of sight!

We trekked up with Burmese of all ages who have traveled from near and far to worship the Nats. There are a few versions of the lore of how this place came to be the famous home of the spirits. Like most things in Myanmar. Even though the animist tradition is unrelated to Buddhism and preceded it, many Burmese subscribe to both sets of beliefs. It seems in parts of the world where history stretches for thousands of years, superstition is as natural as shadows in a forest.

There is a saying in Thai, “If you don’t believe, don’t disrespect.” Even if we do not share the same belief as another, it should not stop dialogue between all sides. Myanmar has a complicated past and present. There are things the government is doing that I fundamentally disagree with. But being here opened my eyes and mind to its people. As we watched a rainbow arch over the majestic landscape after heavy rainfall, it was easy to see why many Burmese revere this lyrical place.

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Myanmar: Bagan sunrise

That first night in Bagan, I woke up to a weight at the end of my bed. My first thought was of Laurie waking me up for our rendezvous with the sunrise. When I felt the weight slipping under the cover I realized I was either dreaming or experiencing something closer to a ghost encounter.

In a city as ancient as Bagan, it is easy to imagine coexisting with spirits and superstitions. But exhaustion won out fear, and the only thing I could muster was a request to the spirit/bad dream to go away. When the real Laurie woke me up at 4:45 AM, I was still exhausted from a night too short. But even with disrupted sleep, sunrise over Bagan is not something you miss.

We rented electric motorbikes from our hotel for 1,500 kyat each ($1.10 U.S.). We rode in the dark to Thitsarwadi temple, one of the many ancient temples near our hotel. It was pretty easy to find with instruction from our guide. Go past the Dhammayazika temple (the big golden pagoda was hard to miss), turn on a small road, then when you see a small sign, turn off to a dirt road around the bend on the right. It took us about 15 minutes to get there.

The temple was small unlike the Shwesandaw, the Sunset pagoda we were at the day before. We climbed up the steep steps and found we were not alone. Several early birds with heavy-duty professional cameras around their necks were already sitting on the edges of the brick overhang. They were waiting the perfect moment to capture the sunrise.

Armed with our mighty iPhones we stood in a scene reminiscing of the movie ‘City of Angels’.  We were like the angels at the beach listening to the tinking of the bells as the sun rose. It was – and I don’t use this word often – magical.

Soon the morning ray peeled open the cloak of darkness and bathed the valley around us with warm orange light, revealing red brick temple tops and its green surrounding. Watching it unfold to the soundtrack of Gymnopedies was peace epitomized. It is human nature to want to find our place in the chaos of life and meaning in random encounters. And I wish that I could say something more meaningful for having witnessed the beautiful scenery, but there really are no words to replace the experience of having been there.

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Myanmar: Bagan – The ancient city

We took the overnight bus from Yangon to Bagan. Although technically we could have afforded plane tickets, we decided to try the local way. I’ve traveled by bus before in Thailand when I was younger, but this was a whole new ballgame. First, it was freezing cold. It seemed the driver was compensating for the hot weather and turned up the AC. Then there’s the roads. They were so bumpy we thought we were on a Mars rover.

To maintain a semblance of comfort, I found having these items helped: 1) Ear plugs (there were snorers); 2) Socks, jacket, scarf, sarong or whatever to keep warm; 3) Sleep mask because they left the lights on; 4) Water and snacks. Not all buses will give you food so don’t count on it; 5) Wet wipes. There were no bathrooms on the bus and the quality of bathrooms at the different stops was not standardized. One of the rest stops only had squat toilets with water in a bucket for washing.

When taking an overnight bus in a country where you lack the language skill, it is important to pay attention to what the driver said or ask your neighbors when in doubt. I know this should be a no-brainer. But at 11 PM, the mind does not think straight.

At the 76 km mark, the bus almost left our little group behind at a food stop because. Our fault. We didn’t know we only had 30 minutes. The driver had some attendants hunt us down while we were eating the last of our hot noodles soup. The walk of shame back to our seats was pretty embarrassing.

We arrived at Bagan just as the sun was rising. Bagan is an ancient archeological city that was the seat of the Pagan kingdom from the 9th to the 13th centuries. At its height, there were over 10k Buddhist temples, of which 3,122 remained. We spent our first day here in 4 of them: Shwesri Gon Pagoda, Htilominlo, Ananda Temple, and Shwesandaw, the Sunset Pagoda. The Shwesri Gon Pagoda from 11th century contains the bone relic of the Buddha. The Ananda Temple, another from the 11th century, has 10k Buddha images. Some depict the story of how the Buddha transformed from a prince to the enlightened one. There were more things we would have learned had we not had to siphon all of our effort toward not passing out from heat stroke. 

The temples would be best visited early in the day. The walls of the temple absorb the heat and by end of the day it felt like 120 degree with 100% humidity inside. It was not easy to stay focused on our knowledgeable guide as he lectured about the differences in Buddha images from century to century. After a while, all we wanted was just a cold drink.

A few things I did learn:

1) Never, ever go to the Shwesandaw for sunset. It was a zoo! The precarious steep steps are dangerous to navigate when congested and the clouds made it impossible to see the sunset.

2) Some tourists can be rude if stuck on the said stone steps. They seemed to bring out the worst in some people. Just move slow and hug the wall.

3) Bobby will buy anything if under enough pressure. There were hundreds of vendors hawking all kinds of tourist trinkets. Some were extremely persistent. Bobby is now a proud owner of a painting he will never hang.

4) Always order the Burmese set meal. Always. You choose the meat (I chose fish and shrimp but there were also beef and chicken), which were then cooked in spices, onions, and peppers. It also came with a soup, a vegetable side, and rice. Heaven.