I love to travel. Next to reading, it is one of the best ways to build empathy, resiliency, social intelligence, and knowledge. And I knew that once I had children, I wanted them to love to travel. But let’s be honest: while traveling with young kids can be fun, it can also be challenging. From international exploration to long road trips, here are 8 tips that help our family not only make the most of our adventures together but become better citizens of the world.
1. Think like they do
- Children are not adults. They should not be expected to act like us. While they are innately resilient and open, they also have needs that are different. Even though we probably would never do a Disney resort trip, we’ve learned to build things into our travels that cater to our children. Think ice cream stops, places they can have hands-on experiences, bathroom breaks, and outdoor activities to get the sillies out. When we were in Cooperstown, we went on hikes in the woods. In New York City, we explored the different areas by foot and stopped at the playgrounds on our way to various destinations. Our kids love cats. So in the Metropolitan Museum of Art, we made sure to stop in the Egyptian wing to visit the Sphinx.
2. Teach them to think like others
- Just being born in a relatively safe and prosperous country like America, our children are privileged. We remind them that they are lucky and that there are others in the world who are not as lucky. There are children in Israel and Palestine who have never known what it is to live in peace. There are kids in Cambodia and Mexico who grew up having to work as if they are adults. Not only is it important for us to make sure our children are aware of others’ plight, we also want them to know they can do something to help. For our last Thailand trip, our children collected toys from their friends and family to donate to a school in a Bangkok slum. They visited the school and met the children. It was heartwarming for me to watch my children help set the table for snack-time and show the other kids the toys they had brought to share.
3. Set expectations
- Children know what they know. And it is up to those responsible for them to share our knowledge. We talk to our children about the differences and similarities between the destination they’re traveling to and their hometown. What is the place like? What are the people like? What language do they speak? What will the weather be like? What food do they eat? What are some rules to be aware of? What are the words for ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. For Thailand, we warned our children that they won’t be getting waffles and bagels for breakfast and that they would have to eat whatever is available. While they may not like the idea, knowing this in advance prepared them to not be disappointed nor surprised.
4. Be transparent
- Have honest conversations. Our children’s safety has always been the most important thing for us. We make sure they understand the rules to stay safe. What are some dangers in the places they’re going to (ex. animals and plants to be aware of)? How is traveling in the city different from being in the country? When we went to Manhattan, I let my children know that there would be mobs of people in many places we go. I told them the importance of staying close to us. We talked about riding the subway and what they need to do if they are separated from us. They had to memorize the name and location of the hotel we were staying at. We answered their questions as honestly as we can without scaring the crap out of them. When my children asked about security at the airport, we told them about 9/11 and how the country changed rules to provide more safety. At the 9/11 memorial, they asked the reasons the terrorists killed innocent people. We told them while we can never truly understand and plan for atrocities, what we can do is to not let them stop us from being happy.
5. Allow them to make (some) choices
- While being children means their needs are taken care of by adults, it also means they don’t often have much control over decisions. When we travel, we try to make them feel like they are a part of the decision-making process, however small it may be. I let my children look at hotel options and talk through the good and bad of staying there. We look at the photos and read reviews together to decide whether it fits our family’s needs. Each family member takes a turn choosing the food we want to eat and we search for restaurants together on Yelp. There were times in New York City our kids just wanted pretzels. Even though many wonderful foods were around, we let them eat what they wanted. By giving them a say in our travel plan, they know their ideas matter.
6. Be thoughtful with providing educational experiences
- I like to think of traveling as a mini classroom with personal attention. We insert tidbits of history and knowledge into whatever we see. When we visited the Sequoia national park, we talked about President Theodore Roosevelt and his legacy in creating the national park service. We talked about how long Sequoia trees live and the importance of trees in our environment. When we went to a little village in Thailand that lost its land due to global warming and erosion, we planted mangroves and talked about its role in slowing down land loss. Educational experiences are everywhere. And when we didn’t know the answer (which were often), we just googled it.
7. Encourage them to try new things
- It’s easy to stay in our comfort zone. One of the reasons I love traveling is that it pushes me outside my comfort zone. And as a result, I would usually gain something meaningful out of it. We encourage our children to try something new on each trip. From food to activities, we want to instill in them a sense of adventure. And we jump in with them. One of our family mottos is “Try it. You might like it.” On our drive to San Francisco, we saw a sign for ‘garlic ice cream’. We found the stall, stopped, and bought one to share. While not everyone liked it, some of us did. How else would we learn?
8. Know when and where to bend and to stand firm
- When we travel, the first thing to fly out the window is bedtime. The second thing to go is the no-sweet-after-dark rule. Every family is different in their values. What’s important is that you know the negotiables and the non-negotiables. With us, when it comes to safety, that’s non-negotiable. Time-outs will be enforced swiftly when our children do something to endanger themselves or others.
I know the above is not a traditional list of what to do and what not to do when traveling with children. They are more philosophical ideas that I hope would set the stage for what you can do to raise children who will not only become happy travelers but responsible and empathetic citizens of the world. As parents and guardians, no one knows our children better than we do. And it is up to us to curate experiences that will help our children be the best of who they are.